It was early morning. We were gathered around the ICU bed of a man I knew. He was a husband, dad and friend! The group consisted of 4 children (teenagers-adults), his mom, step-father, mother in law, wife (who is my best friend) and me. The nurses had exited after removing all life support. The room seemed to shrink as breaths were held, prayers whispered and tears flowed all while listening to the Holter Monitor beep.
The rhythmic beeps were trancelike. My thoughts were jumbled. The sound meant life, yet we all knew there was no longer a quality life. Dale’s organs had shut down. The bleeding on the brain had destroyed all functions. The fluids in his abdomen were full of toxins which caused his belly to swell to three times its size. The build-up of pressure was too much, causing the toxic fluid to burst out of his abdomen cavity into the rest of his body! These were the facts. Yet the beats of Dale’s heart were the sound of Hope. I know there is a God who can perform miracles humans cannot comprehend (Mathew 19:26) I believed this even as the beats slowed! I watched the monitor. The contrast between spikes and dips were no longer! The flat line sounded the alarm which was quickly unplugged! The silence became a deafening roar inside of me as I struggled with emotions I did not understand while holding the hand of my friend, while her other hand was firmly wrapped in in her husband’s hand as his heart beat one last time!
God’s love is profound! He proved this, by choosing not to wake Dale up in the hospital. Instead, He allowed Dale to wake up in His loving arms forever removed from illness, pain and hurt! Was God being selfish taking Dale for Himself, when Dale’s family is left in pain, grief and finishing life without a husband and dad? No! Faith gives me peace knowing that God’s course is better, even when hurt, anger and grief blind us to His loving plan (Ecclesiastes 3:1,11). I cannot tell you the plan, but I do know that this family has come together as a unit. The children, along with Michele, have shown strength that a few days ago, they never knew existed! God’s light has shone brightly through a community that came together embracing Michele in an outpouring of love and support! This love does not immediately eradicate the late night anger, fear and tears that are needed to begin the healing process, but it will act as a layer of protection hopefully taking away a little of the sting called grief!
Allowing your heart to see instead of your eyes will show you His love even in the darkest moments. That is what happened to Michele. After Dale had passed, while we were still standing in the room talking, crying and laughing over precious memories, Michele randomly asked where the white moth went? What a weird question I silently thought, or was it? As Michele talked about watching Dale during his transition from human life, a tiny white moth appeared. She kept trying to brush it away from her husband’s face but the moth lingered. I became intrigued since no one else witnessed a moth or any other critter in ICU. Later that night, when I was finally able to crawl into my bed, I googled the spirituality/symbolism of a white moth. There were thousands of entries on this subject (Who would have ever thought?) Some were dark while others were positive!) I only focused on the very first sentence I read. My tears flowed as I whispered my thanks for His gift to my beautiful friend. That first sentence stated that purity is seen in the color white, while a pure and cleansed soul is represented in a white moth! Michele physically saw God’s love with her eyes, because she looked with her heart! (Ephesians1:18)!