Field Trip To A Quilting Exhibition! Mom Dementia

When mom joined Ashley Gardens, the staff was excited to hear that she was a renowned quilter. There were several other residents that used to sew and quilt and the staff had planned a field trip to a quilting show. I was excited to be asked to accompany them as a chaperone!

Several months later, the day of the show arrived. I was way more excited than mom. When I got to AG, she was agitated as she ate her bacon, eggs, grits and cinnamon roll. I asked what was wrong? She looked at her plate and said that everything was awful! I chuckled while agreeing. Poor mom! After eating Richard’s homemade grits and cinnamon rolls, her breakfast was very bland! When she ate all that she could (cinnamon roll and bacon) I got her to walk to her room so I could shower her and dress her in something cute. I got her to her room. That was the only part of my plan that I succeeded in. She refused to shower (I really wanted to wash her hair). I was able to convince her to put pants on, but not the ones I wanted her to wear. Oh well, just like when my kids were little, there are some battles not worth fighting. This was a special day and I did not want mom upset!

We got the residents loaded on the bus and started driving. Mariah was our driver and made the drive entertaining with her fun conversations with the ladies. I laughed when one of them acted like the typical ‘back-seat’ driver! Have mercy! I have to admit, I am glad I do not have to worry about running into her on the roads! Upon arriving at the coliseum, Janet and I unloaded the bus, took ladies inside and waited for Mariah, who was parking the bus. Inside, mom became distracted and very quiet. She moved around a lot, but would not focus. Mariah would ask her something about a pattern or color. Mom had very few responses, but the ones she had were profound! The three I recall were when she looked at one quilt and clearly said, ‘That took a lot of work!’ Another quilt, she commented on how the colors worked well together. One area, she chose her favorite quilt because she liked the design! I loved that she was making connections. The connections were real, which I soon realized were too real! About an hour into the exhibit, mom began crying. The somber mood lasted the rest of the trip. We rejoined the group and mom was given some anxiety medicine to calm her down. Mariah comforted me explaining that mom’s behavior was normal and expected when experiencing something that was once such a major part of her life The quilting show triggered memories. This was an art she excelled in, whether it was in her quilting masterpieces or the exhibits she would help coordinate. The realization of these memories became overwhelming. The memories of her accomplishments were also her living nightmare of what she can longer do!

It was time to leave. The ladies were hungry and getting tired. We did Chick Filet ‘to go’ so we could go picnic at a park close to AG. Everyone got to sit in the shade at picnic tables. It was pleasant. At this point, mom hardly spoke. I did not force a conversation. I gave her a hug, then left her to her thoughts as I walked around to taking pictures. I needed a few minutes to let my emotions run through my head. I had a tiny pity party as I realized mom’s quilting talent (which she inherited from her mom) was ending with her. Even if Michelle and I had the time to learn to quilt, the experience would never be taught through our mom! Seeing the quilts made me appreciate the talent and time mom shared making quilts for her two daughters and her 9 grandchildren! I now comprehend the love mom poured into the quilts as her way of wrapping us in her love even with the Atlantic Ocean separating us!

Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest is Love! (1 Corinthians 13:13) I encountered the power of this verse again today doing nothing more than looking through the layer of dementia and seeing/experiencing the beauty of these people with my heart!

When The Shoes Don’t Fit (July 6,2019)

Mom has been ‘shopping’. These are not her shoes!

Mom wanted to walk so Grant helped her stand up. As we started walking down the hall I became alarmed! Her gait was strange. She had to hold on to Grant and Lisa for support! I had her sit down so I could find a nurse. As I was explaining to her that she needed to sit because I was worried about the way she was walking, I noticed that one of the shoes had a lift! No wonder mom couldn’t walk. I told her we were taking those shoes off and walking back to her room. Instantly her gait returned to normal. Unfortunately her OCD kicked in. She did not want to walk on the carpet because her feet kept getting sandy! (OCD with Alzheimer’s can test the strongest of patience…)The three minute walk turned into a 7 minute walk, but it was a success. We made it to her room! Her face lit up like a little kid when Grant gave her a little bag of orange slices and chocolate covered almonds. (Those are happy childhood memories for me. When I was a little girl, shopping days would include going to Sears downtown. Walking through the front door, the first thing we saw was the candy counter. Mom would always get orange slices for her, chocolate covered raisins for me and Michelle and if I were really good, when we left, I was allowed a few pieces of candy corn!😋)

It is hard to walk in shoes that do not fit and have a lift!

Riding in the car to visit mom, I had some apprehension. The ‘naughty’ reports (she had struggled the last few days, but the staff reassured me her behavior was normal and to be expected) made me nervous. As the children (today I had Grant, Lisa and Lucy) and I entered thru the front door, mom was the first person we saw. My heart sank. She looked awful (tired and unfocused). I asked the nurse how she had been. He told me she had a really good day! “Yay” I silently whispered. I knelt down in front of her and said, “Hi mom!” She refused to acknowledge me. She was fiddling with buttons on her blouse (I thought I had removed all of her clothes with buttons. I guess I missed this one). After I helped her with the buttons, she focused on my voice. It wasn’t my face that caught her attention, but Grant’s. She was so happy to see him! As Grant hugged her, I looked down and realized she had someone else’s shoes on her feet! It looked like she had been shopping! (Shopping is the term used when Alzheimer’s patients wander into other patient’s rooms and takes stuff they like.) The children and I giggled. I made a mental note to return them to the front desk.

Mom’s happiness causes her to jump up and start hugging

Back in the room, mom finally had her feet clean and shoes on. We walked outside. She loved sitting and eating her candy. Suddenly, she was overtaken by emotion. She jumped up hugging each one of us. The simplicity of her love brought tears to my eyes!

After eating candy and hugging everyone, we went back inside. We helped mom complete a puzzle. She also had a good FT call with Ali and told him she loved him. It was a great visit!

Dining with mom

My writing is never meant to insult or hurt anyone with Alzheimer’s. I am showing unedited honesty mixed with love. There will be many tears, frustration and even anger. Don’t worry, there is going to be a lot of laughter also. If you can’t find humor, you will only live with pain! I want everyone following us to walk away with a merry heart amidst the sorrow. (Proverbs 17:22) I will share it all from my eyes and the eyes of family and friends.

Yesterday (7/2/19) I got to join mom and her friends for dinner. Mom may struggle with language and memory, but her creative gene still rules! Mom had been given mandarin oranges for dessert (She is down to 115 lbs. and is sitting in the dining room where nurses closely monitor the amount of food she is eating. We do not want her loosing any more weight!). She decided orange juice would be better. She was not waiting for anyone to bring her some. Instead she mixed the oranges with her left over water and happily ‘drank’ every bite even after complaining that the oranges were ‘gross’!

Our dinner companions were fun in their own right! The lady to my right felt that shoes were not important! I tend to agree! 🙂 PS: The picture looks awful. Except for the toenail, her feet were fine. She was using her toes to scratch her bottom foot!

After eating, mom enjoys walking. I took her outside for some fresh air. We sat down so I could show her pictures that her friends from all over the world have been sending (Thank you Patricia and Donna). Mom’s frustration in recognizing the ladies, but not being able to say their names became apparent. I turned the pictures off and took a selfie! Mom was much happier because she recognized herself and kept saying, ‘That is me!”

***Frustration in recognizing friends*** but not knowing their names!

***Happiness is recognizing herself in a photo!***

Mom

Mom was relaxed and happy while on the boat. She began crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said they were happy tears!

Back in America

Mom and Ali arrived in Charleston, SC on June 7, 2019. It was her final destination and going to become her permanent home! Mom was wheeled into the airport looking frail, frazzled and exhausted! She was not making much sense as she tried to communicate except when I asked her if she knew who I was? Her snappy response, “Of course I do Lisa,” let me know I had insulted her! Maybe I shouldn’t have smiled, but I did! Mom was still there!

It has been two years since my sister and I had last seen mom (LeAnn). The decline in her memory and speech was shocking! Her husband had been in close contact with me. His honesty, along with my reading everything I could on Alzheimer’s, had my brain educated and prepared. Nothing could have prepared my heart!

The first night back in my home proved to be challenging. I knew the jet-lag, due to the 22 hour flight from Kuwait was playing havoc on mom’s mental state. Yet, I had to admit, there was more! Alzheimer’s was boldly introducing itself to me! Mom was agitated and kept wandering. The doors had to be monitored because she kept trying to escape! My 12 year old son asked me if he could sleep with his bedroom door locked because grandma kept barging in. That had not been her room for over 5 years, but that was the room she kept returning to! She took her frustrations out on me and Ali. (At one point she told me I was stupid!) Luckily, she had always been close with my husband, so Richard was able to provide her security.

Around 9 PM, mom was fed and ready for bed! To say I was relieved was an understatement! I needed peace and quiet to process the day! I know there will be good days mixed with bad days. Patience will be tested as tears flow! Alzheimer’s is robbing all of us of the wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt and friend we once knew. One thing Alzheimer’s will not rob LeAnn of is the unconditional love surrounding her! She has a ‘village’ that extends worldwide! These friends and family embrace LeAnn, no matter her condition! This is not the journey I expected life to take us on, but God did! My Faith and trust are in Him, no matter the road ahead!