The last two days when I have gone to visit mom, a staff member reports about the anger mom is beginning to exhibit. Instead of playing the role of a mom getting a bad report on a child, I am the daughter receiving this news on my mom! I was mortified! Mom had began attacking staff by scratching, pushing and cussing (yep, mom’s vocabulary may struggle unless she is mad. At that point her vocabulary makes us all blush)! My eyes welled up as Mrs. H explained that mom’s behavior is expected. She is showing her fear and frustrations the only way she knows how. Mom’s move to America, being placed in a facility and telling her husband good-bye (he flew back home for work but will continue to fly back here to see mom) has been traumatic! She is suffering from her own version of PTSD. (I understand this type of PTSD and negative behavior as a teacher. My school children lived in poverty and experienced hunger and violence. Their aggression was directed at me because they knew I would continue loving and protecting them. The children were not mad at me, they were frustrated and scared!) The insight of the staff in understanding mom has given me peace!
After waking mom up, I told her she needed to get dressed so Richard and Hampton could visit her. (The nurse had warned me I should enter the room without the guys in case she was naked again, I am glad I heeded her advise!) I pulled out some PJs so we would not have an argument over clothes. She can still button, but it is a very slow process!
When I stepped out in the hall to tell the guys it was safe to enter mom’s room, this is what I witnessed! Richard was helping one of my favorite ladies zip her jacket. Alzheimer’s robs people of so much, but they still deserve and want kindness and love! Richard shares both of these attributes freely! (Colossians3:12)
I am thankful to finally see mom smile! She was happy to see Richard and Hampton. She wanted us to take her on a walk. I could tell mom was beginning to think clearly because she would not walk in her pjs. She had to have clothes on! (Thank goodness she wanted them on instead of off!) Back into her room we went. After 20 minutes of debating and picking every single piece of lent off from her pants, she was dressed and ready to walk except her shoes were not on! This is another struggle and OCD issue. She can’t stand to have anything on the bottom of her feet! Watching her brush imaginary debris from her feet, putting her shoes on only to take them off again is a test in patience! (Ephesians4:12)
While walking, a nurse asked if we could try to get her to eat her dinner. Mom was too grumpy to eat earlier. Keeping weight on her is important. We took her into a little room and encouraged her to eat. Luckily she did not need much of that. She was starving! As she completed her meal, Ms. M brought her a coffee (brown, mom’s favorite) and a cup of ButterFingers (Ali left her favorite candy and the nurses make sure she gets some everyday). It made for a happy ending and a peaceful good-bye.
My writing is never meant to insult or hurt anyone with Alzheimer’s. I am showing unedited honesty mixed with love. There will be many tears, frustration and even anger. Don’t worry, there is going to be a lot of laughter also. If you can’t find humor, you will only live with pain! I want everyone following us to walk away with a merry heart amidst the sorrow. (Proverbs 17:22) I will share it all from my eyes and the eyes of family and friends.
Yesterday (7/2/19) I got to join mom and her friends for dinner. Mom may struggle with language and memory, but her creative gene still rules! Mom had been given mandarin oranges for dessert (She is down to 115 lbs.and is sitting in the dining room where nurses closely monitor the amount of food she is eating. We do not want her loosing any more weight!). She decided orange juice would be better. She was not waiting for anyone to bring her some. Instead she mixed the oranges with her left over water and happily ‘drank’ every bite even after complaining that the oranges were ‘gross’!
Our dinner companions were fun in their own right! The lady to my right felt that shoes were not important! I tend to agree! 🙂PS: The picture looks awful. Except for the toenail, her feet were fine. She was using her toes to scratch her bottom foot!
After eating, mom enjoys walking. I took her outside for some fresh air. We sat down so I could show her pictures that her friends from all over the world have been sending (Thank you Patricia and Donna). Mom’s frustration in recognizing the ladies, but not being able to say their names became apparent. I turned the pictures off and took a selfie! Mom was much happier because she recognized herselfand kept saying, ‘That is me!”
Mom and Ali arrived in Charleston, SC on June 7, 2019. It was her final destination and going to become her permanent home! Mom was wheeled into the airport looking frail, frazzled and exhausted! She was not making much sense as she tried to communicate except when I asked her if she knew who I was? Her snappy response, “Of course I do Lisa,” let me know I had insulted her! Maybe I shouldn’t have smiled, but I did! Mom was still there!
It has been two years since my sister and I had last seen mom (LeAnn). The decline in her memory and speech was shocking! Her husband had been in close contact with me. His honesty, along with my reading everything I could on Alzheimer’s, had my brain educated and prepared. Nothing could have prepared my heart!
The first night back in my home proved to be challenging. I knew the jet-lag, due to the 22 hour flight from Kuwait was playing havoc on mom’s mental state. Yet, I had to admit, there was more! Alzheimer’s was boldly introducing itself to me! Mom was agitated and kept wandering. The doors had to be monitored because she kept trying to escape! My 12 year old son asked me if he could sleep with his bedroom door locked because grandma kept barging in. That had not been her room for over 5 years, but that was the room she kept returning to! She took her frustrations out on me and Ali. (At one point she told me I was stupid!) Luckily, she had always been close with my husband, so Richard was able to provide her security.
Around 9 PM, mom was fed and ready for bed! To say I was relieved was an understatement! I needed peace and quiet to process the day! I know there will be good days mixed with bad days. Patience will be tested as tears flow! Alzheimer’s is robbing all of us of the wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt and friend we once knew. One thing Alzheimer’s will not rob LeAnn of is the unconditional love surrounding her! She has a ‘village’ that extends worldwide! These friends and family embrace LeAnn, no matter her condition! This is not the journey I expected life to take us on, but God did! My Faith and trust are in Him, no matter the road ahead!