Field Trip To A Quilting Exhibition! Mom Dementia

When mom joined Ashley Gardens, the staff was excited to hear that she was a renowned quilter. There were several other residents that used to sew and quilt and the staff had planned a field trip to a quilting show. I was excited to be asked to accompany them as a chaperone!

Several months later, the day of the show arrived. I was way more excited than mom. When I got to AG, she was agitated as she ate her bacon, eggs, grits and cinnamon roll. I asked what was wrong? She looked at her plate and said that everything was awful! I chuckled while agreeing. Poor mom! After eating Richard’s homemade grits and cinnamon rolls, her breakfast was very bland! When she ate all that she could (cinnamon roll and bacon) I got her to walk to her room so I could shower her and dress her in something cute. I got her to her room. That was the only part of my plan that I succeeded in. She refused to shower (I really wanted to wash her hair). I was able to convince her to put pants on, but not the ones I wanted her to wear. Oh well, just like when my kids were little, there are some battles not worth fighting. This was a special day and I did not want mom upset!

We got the residents loaded on the bus and started driving. Mariah was our driver and made the drive entertaining with her fun conversations with the ladies. I laughed when one of them acted like the typical ‘back-seat’ driver! Have mercy! I have to admit, I am glad I do not have to worry about running into her on the roads! Upon arriving at the coliseum, Janet and I unloaded the bus, took ladies inside and waited for Mariah, who was parking the bus. Inside, mom became distracted and very quiet. She moved around a lot, but would not focus. Mariah would ask her something about a pattern or color. Mom had very few responses, but the ones she had were profound! The three I recall were when she looked at one quilt and clearly said, ‘That took a lot of work!’ Another quilt, she commented on how the colors worked well together. One area, she chose her favorite quilt because she liked the design! I loved that she was making connections. The connections were real, which I soon realized were too real! About an hour into the exhibit, mom began crying. The somber mood lasted the rest of the trip. We rejoined the group and mom was given some anxiety medicine to calm her down. Mariah comforted me explaining that mom’s behavior was normal and expected when experiencing something that was once such a major part of her life The quilting show triggered memories. This was an art she excelled in, whether it was in her quilting masterpieces or the exhibits she would help coordinate. The realization of these memories became overwhelming. The memories of her accomplishments were also her living nightmare of what she can longer do!

It was time to leave. The ladies were hungry and getting tired. We did Chick Filet ‘to go’ so we could go picnic at a park close to AG. Everyone got to sit in the shade at picnic tables. It was pleasant. At this point, mom hardly spoke. I did not force a conversation. I gave her a hug, then left her to her thoughts as I walked around to taking pictures. I needed a few minutes to let my emotions run through my head. I had a tiny pity party as I realized mom’s quilting talent (which she inherited from her mom) was ending with her. Even if Michelle and I had the time to learn to quilt, the experience would never be taught through our mom! Seeing the quilts made me appreciate the talent and time mom shared making quilts for her two daughters and her 9 grandchildren! I now comprehend the love mom poured into the quilts as her way of wrapping us in her love even with the Atlantic Ocean separating us!

Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest is Love! (1 Corinthians 13:13) I encountered the power of this verse again today doing nothing more than looking through the layer of dementia and seeing/experiencing the beauty of these people with my heart!

What is Love? Mom and Dementia 9/16/2019

Patience when the patient can’t do!

Dementia is a disease that you read about. You may have first hand knowledge of the disease as you listen to a friend vent about the situation. But until you live the disease day and night with a loved one, it is hard to fully comprehend the impact of this disease on the caregiver!

My ability to visit mom every day has become challenging because of work and my children’s sport’s practices/games. So far, I have been fortunate to visit her at least 3-4 times a week. The visits are progressively becoming more difficult. Mom continues too regress in language and expressing herself. She is living more in her ‘dementia’ world and struggles to enter our world. She recognizes me, but does not really know me. It rips at my soul on days. It is hard to explain my gamete of feelings. Part of it is shock that my once strong and graceful mom is a hunched over shell of the woman she once was. Her long and beautiful legs that once carried her confidently through her many transcontinental adventures are now forcing her to walk in a shuffled, hunched-over gait! Despite the change, there are glimpses of the mom I remember, especially when she smiles. Other times I stare at her while she sleeps. The peace that sleep brings, relaxes mom’s face allowing me to view my beautiful mom.

Mom is constantly hunched over.
Grandchildren and unconditional love!
Mom’s support!
Lean on me!
I won’t let go!

Physically and mentally, mom is different from the person I knew as my mom. It scares me seeing the destruction of this disease. Every time I forget something, my paranoia is real!’ Am I doomed for the same ending to my life as my mom? I don’t want that! I want to live to a ripe old age, healthy and mentally competent. I desire to acquire wisdom that my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will benefit from. I want to maintain my dignity which includes dressing fashionably, making my children proud and my grandchildren bragging how stylish I am! At the end of my long full life, I want to happily say my prayers, go to bed, fall asleep and wake up in heaven! This would be the perfect final chapter to my life’s story! Unfortunately, I can’t write the final chapter, Only God can! He is the author to the Bible and every single detail in my life. There, He tells me not to worry (Philippians 4:6), to keep my trust in Him (Proverbs3:5) and no matter how scared I become, I cannot let go of my Faith (Deuteronomy 31:6). So how do I answer the question in my title, ‘What is love’? Easily, Love is God! God has orchestrated mom’s life and my journey for a reason that only He currently comprehends. I can’t allow my healthy life to be robbed of horrible worries. My weapon is love. I will show Love to mom until her last breath. My children will watch me give love. In return, I pray they will learn not to be afraid of dementia. This disease is real…so is life!

This is love!

Hold on to Faith and Hope, there is a boulder in your path!

IMG_7355

Life is a journey that begins as a single moment! Every second of the day is a moment and those moments become scary when in the shape of a boulder (anything difficult that takes you out of your comfort zone)!  Are you going to keep your Faith and Hope alive by holding on, or will you take the easy way out and let go? Holding on will be challenging as you endure pain, fright and exhaustion! The alternative is to let go and crash which will hurt, make you fatigued, angry and weak! I have done both! Sometimes the lesson came after impact.  Other times, the lesson and my life’s strength came from holding on and inching forward.  Both are necessary parts of our journey needed to help us grow and gain wisdom. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)!

What does better mean? That depends on you! What are your aspirations? How do you percieve yourself?  Are you looking at your outward appearance and the way people see you, or are you looking at your inward self that is always visible to God and viewed by others through actions and heart? (1 Samuel 16:7) (Proverbs 16:2)

Crashing causes mourning, whether it is physical pain or grief caused by loss or the realization of our own sins.  Mathew 5:4 reassures as we will be comforted (Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.)

Holding on to Faith and Hope keep us moving forward, even when it seems impossible.  This  builds our strength and endurance.  Faith is trusting God enough that you are willing to do the impossible (holding on) because you know nothing is impossible with God! (Luke1:37) Hope squashes despair no matter the circumstance and allowing a grip to be maintained knowing that God will renew your strength (Isaiah40:31).  These tools are essential for every moment throughout our journey.

Allowing our hearts to see God in our circumstances, even when nothing else is visible but a huge boulder, will keep us moving forward.  His love is immense meaning He can and will overcome anything we face in life if we allow Him! We have to have Faith and Hope, but these are nothing without Love! (1 Corinthians 13:13)